Humans sometimes get things wrong, but…
… when we do, the really important thing is what we do about it afterwards.
If what you’ve done wrong warrants an apology, how it’s phrased and what you do immediately afterwards is vital to your reputation.
One of the worst examples of a painfully badly-handled apology has just appeared live on TV and is plastered across the internet for all to cringe at.
It’s agonising to watch.
But there’s much we can learn from it.
I’m referring to thirteen-and-a-half minutes of car crash television on Sky News where a now-suspended British football commentator apologises over and over and over for what he says was his “moment of madness”.
He was certainly right to have apologised.
And, as the one-time star defender for Liverpool Football Club and for England readily admits, he was certainly wrong to have carried out the action in the first place.
The action was spitting at the car of a football fan and the fan’s 14-year-old daughter while being goaded about his former team having just lost a match.
The “goader” was the driver of the other car who captured the incident on his mobile phone and put it in the hands of the media.
This was highly embarrassing for the “goadee”.
Whether goaded or not, when you’ve done something wrong, apologising is morally and practically the right thing to do.
But never let the apology and comments about how badly you’ve behaved go on for too long.
SAY “SORRY” AND MOVE ON – VERBALLY AND PHYSICALLY
For everyone’s benefit you have to move on – verbally and then physically.
The big mistake after the football commentator’s initial blunder was allowing himself to be in a position where he had nothing useful to say after repeatedly apologising and continuously saying how bad, mad and stupid he’d been.
And he had nowhere physically to go while letting himself be subjected to seemingly endless questioning live in the TV studio about the incident.
It would have been so much better for him to have stage-managed his apology in a way that he could both verbally and physically have moved on.
For example, he could have given his total but succinct apology outdoors, having organised for a car with a driver to be waiting for him next to the interview spot.
This would have enabled him to conclude on something positive about how he would seek to make amends and behave better in future – and then carry out a dignified exit.
The commentator was Jamie Carragher.
He’s now been suspended without pay by his employer, Sky, until at least the end of the football season.
The interview was conducted on Sky TV. You may get the impression that Sky’s interviewer, Sarah Hewson, was instructed to – or decided herself to – ruthlessly squeeze every possible drop of emotional juice from the situation.
I’ll make some comments about her interviewing performance at the end.
If you’re hardy enough, you can witness how NOT to either give or extract an apology here:
GIVING GREAT ANSWERS WHEN APOLOGISING
Further guidance is at hand if you ever need more detail on how to apologise on behalf of yourself or your organisation.
This is set out in “Great Answers To Tough Questions At Work”.
Focus on Chapter 6: “The Second Golden Formula – What To Say When Something Goes Seriously Wrong”.
Please click on the image for the link
You can get the new audio book version online through the Amazon company, Audible, and – if you do – I will read every word to you in the comfort of your lounge chair.
Hopefully I’ll be reading it to you BEFORE you do anything you need to apologise for – so you don’t have to absorb the advice in a hurry and apply it on the run.
GETTING THE TALKING BOOK FREE
If you’re not already signed up with Audible, you can get the audio version of “Great Answers To Tough Questions At Work” FREE with Audible’s 30-day trial at: https://www.audible.co.uk/…/Great-Answers-to-To…/B078HHFJZ9…
And for those already on Audible, I have a limited number of secret codes to enable you to win A FREE AUDIO DOWNLOAD OF THE BOOK.
These secret codes are for early volunteers who, if they find it useful, are happy to write an online review of the audio book – or a part of it.
Your review can be brief.
To apply to win your free copy, please send an email requesting a secret code and write one tough – and preferably fascinating! – work-based question.
It can be a question you fear could be asked one day if something goes terribly wrong. (Hopefully it won’t go wrong, but it’s better to be prepared!!!)
Whatever it is, the Golden Formulae and other guidance in the audio book version will help you to determine what’s your best possible answer.
I will send the winners – the quickest to provide the toughest and most fascinating questions – your secret code to enable you to get your free audio book delivered straight to your headphones.
So if you’d like to be in the running for a free audio book then email your tough question to: michael@michaeldoddcommunications.com
WATCH THE NEW “GREAT ANSWERS” VIDEO
Meanwhile, there’s new guidance on video on giving great answers to tough questions – thanks to the lively, friendly group known as the Xtend Network Executive (formerly the TEN network).
The group meets in the National Liberal Club in London.
When I spoke to a gathering there – in the David Lloyd George Room, named in honour of the former British Prime Minister – two courageous and good-humoured Xtend volunteers stepped forward to illustrate how answers to tough workplace questions can be dramatically improved in a short space of time.
The video are highlights here:
WHEN ASKING QUESTIONS, GET THE BALANCE RIGHT
Finally, let’s get back to the approach of the interviewer who was grilling the miscreant football commentator.
It can be a challenge when you’re interviewing someone from your own organisation.
You don’t want to be accused of being too soft on someone because you’re working for the same company.
But beware: you can over-compensate. You might agree that on the occasion discussed above Sarah Hewson, alas, did.
It’s one thing to ask blowtorch-on-the-belly questions as they’re called in Australia – and when you’re interviewing someone in your own organisation you sometimes need to.
But it’s another thing to insert your own views unnecessarily in the conversation. This is never a good idea when you are the interviewer.
If you’re interviewing someone who admits they’ve done wrong, the audience don’t want your views about what they did. They want the explanation of the sinner.
So whenever asking questions for broadcast – and this happens more frequently with so many in-house online programmes these days – keep your on-air judgements to yourself!
GETTING IT RIGHT WHEN INTERVIEWING THE BOSS
When I was a journalist for the Australian Broadcasting Corporation in Sydney and Canberra, I sometimes had to interview other ABC people when our organisation became the subject of the news.
Amongst the most challenging interviewees was the dynamic then Chief Executive, David Hill.
It was even trickier when interviewing the first woman to chair the ABC, the late Professor Dame Leone Kramer, who possessed a daunting intellect.
Both were formidable figures. But I knew if I wasn’t tough enough in my questions, my ABC colleagues outside the studio would justifiably berate me for it.
So the trick is to be tough and professional – but not to overdo the toughness just because the interviewee is from your own organisation.
I hope I managed to get this right, and don’t remember any complaints.
But if it’s ever found that the interviews were less than well-balanced, I will apologise and undertake to do better next time – and then move swiftly on… by the way did I ever tell you about my book which deals with matters like this?